At one time all the doctors were in Fred’s room, & Mother & I
were with Father. Once I thought his wounds were bleeding afresh—
but it proved to be only a clot of blood. At another
time when the doctors were in the room, mother was sitting
down—& I went to her. She was ill in some way I think—
perhaps with palpitation. She showed feeling & anxiety that
must have been anguish, but she bore up with the greatest
fortitude— as we spoke together she told me she was


[Page 194]
afraid Fred could not live. By that time it had
been ascertained that his injuries were very serious. I do
not know whether it was before or after the Surgeon
General left that D^r Wilson went to see Fred—
He declined, on medical etiquette ^to examine dress the wounds^ take off the
bandages till D^r Norris had removed the bandages
put on by himself.  It was found that  Fred's
injuries were of the most dangerous nature - the skull
fractured.  I met M^r Harrington in the
entry—& he told me not to give up about Fred,
described very serious injuries he had once sus-
tained—had been trepanned. Fred was
insensible. Father was conscious. Not very long
after the attack, when Father’s wounds had been
dressed & himself moved to the right side of the
bed, a number of distinguished gentlemen came
in & stood about the bed. M^r Stanton,
Gen. Halleck,²⁹  & M^r Welles³⁰ are all I remember.
It was then that I first heard about the President,
one of the gentlemen telling Mother that he was shot.
As this group stood there Father related in a
clear, distinct manner, his recollections of the whole
scene—between each ^word he drew^ breath, as one dying might speak,
& I feared the effort might cost his remaining
strength. I think we gave him tea in the
night —at his own request. I was in constant
apprehension of some fatal turn in his symptoms—
At length all was still in the room— We took our


[Page 195]
seats to watch through the night. D^r Norris remained much of
the night—& when he went away left his assistant, D^r Nottson, [sic]
saying that he was a competent ^accomplished^ physician. As we
sat through those long dark hours the thoughts they brought were
almost overwhelming. The thought that such cruel & inhuman beings,
as the man who had attacked my father & brothers, existed, made
me wish myself dead, & out of such a world, anywhere seemed better.
The anxiety of the condition of father & Fred was fearful. Although
a guard sat in the h entry, I could not reason away a feeling that
the assassin who had wounded so many might return & finish his
illegible work attempt. I had felt suspicious of every unknown face
however friendly— I was too shocked to reason. “I have supped full
on horrors,”³¹ rang over & over in my mind—and I retraced the dreadful
scene—& remembered the moment when I felt almost beside myself, and
Anna’s hand laid on my arm, & her voice “Fanny! Fannyl”
recalled me, & I stopped screaming to answer her inquiries & to remem-
ber that I must be quiet & calm. Blood, blood, my thoughts
seemed drenched in it—I seemed to breathe its sickening odor. My dress
was stained with it—Mother’s was drabbled with it—it was on
everything. The bed had been covered with blood, the blankets
& sheet chopped with several blows of the knife. Night
wore away while we sat there—the gray light of morning
came— “Risest thou thus gray dawn again”³² repeated itself
over & over in my mind—& that light should come, &
the sun rise, & the birds sing & the green leaves
rustle in the trees, seemed strange in such a world.
Early in the morning, by Father’s side, D^r Nottson [sic] showed
me a card on which some one told ^one^ of the surgeons that


[Page 196]
the president was growing worse. Father asked about it.
In the morning came a note from Miss Dix³³ to Mother,
which I answered, offering to be of assistance, & to
send one or more women nurses. M^r Stanton came.
I think it must have been he—but perhaps it wa
s some one earlier, that answered Mother’s inquiry as
to whether any thing later had been heard from the
President— “Yes. He is dead.” He died at 7—
& we heard of it within two hours³⁴. While
M^r Stanton was there by the bed Mother said
very gently to Father— “Henry—the President is gone.”
He received the news calmly, but seemed to
know the meaning of the words. He was not able
to talk much of the time—and com communicated,
as he had done before the last injury—by
means of a white slate & pencil—but—owing
to his exhausted state, & to his broken arm,
it was almost impossible for him to write
so that it could be read. I remember that
Mother said —in talking with the Secretary of War,
“Are you safe M^r Stanton,” as if apprehensive
of danger to him— “Not any more than
any one else” (or, the others,) he replied. He
said M^rs Stanton was down stairs— I went down
and saw her in the library— M^r Stanton
came down, and I told him about
the pistol—which was brought— I also
told him [^asking about Fred^ written in pencil] of the hat & showed


[Page 197]
it to him—he took charge of both. I
told him my fear about the guard,
there not being any at the back
door. He was very kind—& relieved my
solicitude at once. ^a little^ Later in the morning
I was called down to see Col. Pelouze³⁵,
who said he had M^r Stanton’s in-
structions to come to me, & to place
the guard where I said. The guard
was doubled—by M^r S.’s order, after
my speaking to him. Many friends
came to inquire— I saw none of them but
Dept. people. The President died about
half past seven in thes morning. Miss Dix
sent a note which I answered—(she offered
assistance) quite early she came over—& saw
Mother & Father. Father conversed with her by using his
slate. It was very difficult to read the writing—he
was so weak. The following sentence, addressed to Miss
Dix—I copied from the slate for her. “Neither
the friends nor the enemies of our America
have left me anything to complain of. The friends
of America ought to have watched M^r Lincoln
better. His life however is the forfeit. The
Nation will do him Justice.”

I copied three other sentences which he wrote on the
slate that day—these: “__ the blows inflicted
before or after the assault on you, Augustus, & Frederick,

[Page 198]
“I was fast asleep and only saw Fanny __ up,
and the assassin. I next ___ ___ and
would kill me. Then the blow, dashing
blood in floods.” (I have to leave blanks
where the words were illegible.) “I saw all my
strength was weakness last night. I thought that
if I had still reserved forces I should make them
take me safely through in two or three days.

I am very moderate.
I have drunk tea all day—making no point of it.”
(Here this section of the diary ends.)